


Between the Shadow and the Soul

by alliaskofyou



Series: Pablo Neruda [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MY BABIES DESERVE, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Simon, I also love soft Raphael, I love Simon, M/M, Pablo Neruda's Poetry, Protect, Raphael loves Simon so much, Simon Whump, Simon is so nerdy and lovable, The Clan loves Simon, these tags are all over the place jfc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 12:48:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13998669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alliaskofyou/pseuds/alliaskofyou
Summary: This is based off Pablo Neruda's Poem: Sonnet XVII.I interpreted the poem as defining an "obscure" love that isn't defined by normal societal standards and is weird and strange and complicated but it's perfect and lovely. I love the line "I love you as one loves certain obscure things, / secretly, between the shadow and the soul"; hence, the title.------or, four times Raphael wanted to say "I love you", and one time he did.





	Between the Shadow and the Soul

**_“I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz / or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:”_ **

 

Raphael watches Simon argue with Stan while _Doctor Who_ plays quietly in the background. Simon’s hands flail every direction as he emphatically informs Stan that the ninth doctor _cannot_ be skipped. Stan fights back a smile as he meets Raphael’s eyes from across the room.

 

“The quality is terrible, Simon.”

 

“The graphics, yes, but the not the content, Stan.” He says Stan’s name as if he’s reprimanding a child. Raphael tries to stifle his laughter as Simon reaches out to poke Stan in the chest, emphasizing each word. “You. Can’t. Skip. Nine.”

 

Stan lifts his hand up in surrender and settles back on the sofa next to Simon who grins when he realizes he’s won.

 

Raphael walks back to his office, a fond smile making its way across his face.

 

**_“I love you as one loves certain obscure things, / secretly, between the shadow and the soul.”_ **

Raphael has been searching all over the hotel for Simon. He’s exhausted and all he wants to do is lie in bed, warm and cuddled, but the one that he wants to warm and cuddle him happens to be missing.

 

He hears loud music blaring from Michael’s room as he approaches. He knocks once and the door opens slightly. He listens to ensure he’s not walking in on something he definitely doesn’t want to be walking in on, and then opens the door, sighing heavily as he takes in the scene before him.

 

Michael jumps up and down on the bed, shaking the whole frame, yelling “oh” and “yeah” at random points in the song. Stan lies on the floor in a fort of pillows, watching and sometimes dozing, cuddling a bottle of whiskey. Natalie dances on the coffee table, completely out of time. Lily dances up and down next to Simon, cheering him on as he raps or desperately tries to. The world fumble past his lips. He’s not fully enunciating his words. He’s morphing half words into other half words, making complete new words, but the whole group screams in excitement as the song ends, praising Simon for his ability to rap “Guns and Ships” so well.

 

Raphael leans against the doorway as a new song begins to leak through the speakers. It’s upbeat and Simon catches his eyes as the voices begin to sing “I do” repeatedly. His whole face lights up at the sight of Raphael. He beckons to him and wiggles his eyebrows. Raphael shakes his head sternly. He is not getting roped into dancing, but the whole group sees Raphael now and they erupt into excited laughter. Lily and Natalie grab Raphael’s arms, dragging him to Simon.

 

Simon loops his arms around Raphael’s waist singing, “Boy, you got me helpless. Look into your eyes and the sky’s the limit. I’m helpless! Down for the count and I’m drowin’ in ‘em.”

 

Raphael tries to fight a smile but fails miserably as Simon leans in close to him, his lips brushing against his as he continues to sing. Raphael silences him. He feels the heat radiate off of Simon’s cheeks when he deepens the kiss and the group around them hoop and holler. He pulls back slightly to mumble against Simon’s mouth. “You’re a dork.”

 

Simon smiles and kisses him gently. “Yes, but I’m your dork.”

****

**_“I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries / the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself.”_ **

“So here I was on a date with a random guy that I only knew through Clary and I’m awkward as hell - middle school ya know - and my elbow hits the button to open the window and the window opens - just a smidge. I felt too awkward to roll the window back up - I didn’t want to make any noise - so I left it cracked. And then you won’t believe what happened!” Simon giggles as he holds the nail polish brush above Lily’s toenails, pausing to gain control of the laughter that shakes through him.

 

“What?” Lily bites her lip in apprehension.

 

“We got on the interstate and the whole ride to the restaurant the wind was blowing so harshly between the crack and the window, making this go- awful whooshing noise that had everyone in the car - did I mention we were with his parents, too - searching the car for the noise!”

 

Lily’s laughter echoes throughout the room. “And then what happened?”

 

Simon smiles, wheezing between words, “I - I left the window down because I didn’t wa-want them to know it was me that made the noise and his dad said they were going to have to take it to a mec-mechanic because of it!”

 

Lily holds her side and giggles harder as Simon rolls on the floor.

 

Raphael watches from the entrance, trying his best to not laugh at Simon’s story, but fails and quickly leaves the entrance to Lily’s room to head back to his and Simon’s room, smirking the whole way.

**_“And thanks to your love the light aroma that arose / from the earth lives dimly in my body.”_ **

Raphael’s heart thuds loudly in his chest. He cradles Simon’s head in his lap, whispering soothing words to Simon and snapping at Lily when Simon yelps in pain.

 

The diplomatic meeting with a neighboring clan turned into a fight the moment Simon saw the opposing leader’s partner try to put poison in Raphael’s drink. Simon had lunged, tackling the vampire, pinning him against the wall, hissing at his throat. Lily, realizing what had happened, had yelled for the rest of the clan to hear. “He tried to poison Raphael!”

 

War erupted in the dining hall of the hotel after that. Simon had been doing fine, snapping arms and legs, sometimes necks, but two vampires decided to try to attack Raphael. Simon saw and foolishly acted.

 

He shoved Raphael to the side, trying to take both vampires on at once. Raphael raced back to his side but not before the blonde vampire shoved a stake into Simon’s chest, too close to his heart.

 

Raphael saw red.

 

He attacked the two vampires with a frenzy he’d never experienced before as Simon fell to the ground, coughing up blood. Raphael yelled Lily’s name and she was  immediately at Simon’s side, easing him onto his back and inspecting the wound.

 

The two vampires who had wounded Simon were the last to stand and, as their heads rolled across the carpet, Raphael appeared next to Simon.

 

“Lily, you have to be careful.” Raphael hisses when Simon jerks as Lily tugs at the stake in Simon’s chest.

 

“I’m trying. Stan, I need you to hold the stake steady, at the bottom. I’m going to pull from the top. We have to make sure it doesn’t touch his heart.”

 

Stan nods and grips the stake and him and Lily pull. The stake moves with them: slowly. Simon grunts and gasp; drying blood coats his lips and chin. Raphael growls when Stan’s hand slips and Simon’s lets loose an agonized yelp.

 

“Sorry! Sorry, Simon.” Stan gasps and sits back on his heels.

 

“Is there nothing we can do for the pain.” Raphael says between clenched teeth.

 

Lily frowns. “No. But it’s almost out” She places a comforting hand on Simon’s shoulder and squeezes gently. “You’re gonna be okay, Simon.” She places her hands on the stake once more and Stan follows. It slides and slides, pulling out of Simon’s chest with a squelch. Blood seeps from the wound and Stan places a towel over the it, pushing down. Simon yelps. Raphael shushes him and gently smoothes his hair.

 

“We just need to get him cleaned up and bandaged and he should be fine in the morning.” Lily says.

 

Raphael sighs. It’s shaky and his eyes burn. Simon meets his eyes and smiles at him, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

 

Raphael frowns. “Don’t you ever risk your life for mine again.”

 

Simon coughs violently, his whole body shaking. He settles back against Raphael and winks. “No promises.”

**_“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where / I love you directly without problems or pride:”_ **

****

There’s been a recent addition to the clan. Raphael doesn’t know how Simon will handle the transition, of not being the “baby” anymore, but he seems to be adjusting well. There haven’t been any issues...yet.

 

As Raphael heads to the kitchen, he hears raised voices and rushes to the entryway to stop whatever argument is happening. Instead, he is met with the sight of Simon and the new fledgling, Elijah, laughing. He hovers in the doorway to eavesdrop.

 

“Are you serious, man?” Elijah hits Simon lightly on the shoulder.

 

“Dead serious. Literally, I’m dead.”

 

Raphael groans at Simon’s horrible joke, but Elijah laughs loudly, making Raphael smile.

 

“I can’t believe the different types of blood taste differently!”

 

Simon nods. “My personal favorite is AB+. Raphael is picky and likes O-, but I didn’t tell you that.”

 

Elijah laughs then sighs. “There’s so much I have to learn.”

 

Simon picks up on Elijah’s worry and pats his shoulder reassuringly. “That’s okay, though! I was new before and I can help you learn the ropes.”

 

Raphael smiles at the thought and clears his throat. He schools his features as Simon turns to look at him.

 

“Raphael! Hey, what’s up?” Simon walks toward him and pecks him lightly on the lips.

 

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

 

Simon nods, eyes darting between Raphael’s to detect if anything is wrong. Raphael smiles to reassure him.

 

When they enter the hallway, Raphael grabs Simon’s hands and squeezes them gently. “I just wanted you to know that I’m really proud of you.”

 

Simon’s cheeks turn a lovely shade of red and he tries to duck to hide it, but Raphael reaches up and cradles his cheek. “I’m serious, Simon, you’re doing so well with your own training, with adapting to this lifestyle, with being a part of the family, and now, with helping Elijah. I’m proud of you.”

 

Simon leans into Raphael’s hand, turning his face to press a soft kiss to Raphael’s palm.

**_“I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love, / except in this form in which I am not nor are you, / so close that your hand upon my chest is mine, / so close that your eyes close with my dreams.”_ **

 

The moonlight flickers throughout the room, landing on Simon’s head and casting a halo-like light around him. Raphael lies on his back with his arm wrapped underneath Simon. Simon’s head is pillowed on Raphael’s chest and he sighs, snuggling closer, as Raphael presses a kiss to his forehead. Raphael has never felt more at peace, more at home.

 

“I love you.”

 

Simon shifts slightly, but makes no other indication that he heard Raphael. Raphael’s okay with that. He’d rather let Simon know at a more memorable time, but it’s nice to practice, to feel the words, to know that he can say them, believe them. He closes his eyes and basks in the light he receives from Simon’s love, warming him to his core as he falls asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! <3  
> I have opened commissions! [Bay's Ko-Fi](http://alliaskofyou.tumblr.com/post/176322514333/buy-bayleigh-a-coffee-ko-ficombayleigh)


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